the zhaf speaks

Tuesday, January 27, 2004:

crimson

haha i now have 2 lockers outside the library. reasonably spacious, but best of all... FREEE!!! haha they're coin operated and refundable... and yes it's a friggin orgasmic feelin knowin you've outsmarted/exploited the system.

the cny weekend whizzed by, all that skiving from school rocks man. oh and i'm darned glad i glossed over chinablack, i mean imagine a few hundred ppl huddled into the pac plaza lobby to shelter from the shit-ass crazy rain while queing up. no dancing space would also be monumentally shitty. met up with red and headed down to rouge, you know that place that occupies the old milieu... but man the ambience and setting of the place is simply sublime. that's besides the point, the place was movin' and groovin'! haha quite a sight since it was cny after all, seeing ppl dancing in traditional mandarin garb. imagine dis chick wearing the whole thingy, skull cap with complementary manchu oxtail wig and a most unwieldy paper fan... yummy anyway, rouge was chock full of superior lookin specimens...

sleep sleep sleep need lots of it nowadays. long time coming, the papers are finally over and done with anyway :) yea school and its contrivances never cease to amaze me with its unnerring tendency to consume my time in a gratuitous and inane fashion. i think i'd do well enough homeschooled. honest. stay home study from txtbks then come to school just for cca and other more meaningful and worthwhile matters. so anyway tutorials and lectures should be regarded as convenient opportunities to catch up on sleep.

man the j1s making the canteen BLOODY noisy, like playing dog and bone in the canteen... wtf. anyway we'd better train hard. it's gonna be tight, vying for the 12 places in the team...

happy belated cny ppl

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 8:11 am

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Thursday, January 22, 2004:

avalanche

all this emotion raging unchecked through me, coming over me at the most inopportune of moments. this is one time i have to stop thinking, speculating and wondering and just leave it be. now i realise how tightly i tried holding on all those times, to no avail more often than not. still i don't want to leave things to chance, i refuse to be a pathetic pawn of fate. i must detach myself from it and observe from the sidelines. i just hope that i won't be witness to an awry and grotesque pile-up. what will it take to still my heart and silence the voice of doubt? transcend the mundane and the placid, sprinkle in a dash of humour (not connected to the qn).

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 9:52 am

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woo hoo

hmm despite everything it's gonna be a great week, unless edexcel hurls a barrage of archaic and contrived shitballs at me. anyway it felt good as hell not going to school on tues and wed. it'll be march holidays come early, i'll be tied up wif more pertinent matters than school on monday. but honestly i've not lost out an ounce even with all this missed school. not when the teachers (by and large) employ deficient teaching and lecturing methods. PUI. sure as hell hope tomorrow and monday go well, it'll bail me out of the tedium of school, this pathetic travesty of education. the academic portion of school (in singapore) must be among the most time consuming, oppressive and deplorable approaches to education ever devised. it's just ball and friends keeping me in this.

makes it alot easier when you know exactly where you wanna be. like "oh i wanna be a doc, help people and all". yep it's all fine and dandy, you know exactly what you want you know what to do so you work steadily towards that certain goal, whatever it may be. but more often than not things don't go according to plan. maybe you make a mistake that screws your chances irreversibly, maybe the obstacles life erected in your path are far too contrived and too great, maybe whatever. so then where does that leave you? broken, beaten and whimpering, curled up in a fetal position on the ground? bad idea peeps. i think there'll be plenty of alternatives, seriously. like if i don't make it to med sch, i could always go into banking/finance, somewhere along those lines. i'm not saying that you take an easy way out if the going gets tough. it's just that if you've put in your penultimate best and things don't sway your way then maybe it's time to consider alternatives. take the plunge and give it your all, if something's worth doing, it's worth doing it well. but it's good to be able to detach sometimes. zoom out abit to get to that vantage point and make sure you're seeing the forest for more than just the trees. it pays to be flexible. you know like those sublimely crafted japanese samurai swords, flexible enough so they don't break when they cut through bone, but still fuckin sharp as hell. like water, formless but incompressible. which brings me to my point. do the thing and don't worry about the outcome, it'll take care of itself without any prodding from you. right? right.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 3:55 am

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Sunday, January 18, 2004:

primer

gettin thru dis week was less arduous then expected. relatively smooth sailing with slightly choppy waters. i don't think next week's papers'll go so easy on me though, not by a long shot. just a little while more before i venture into the eye of the storm...

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 7:11 am

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Wednesday, January 14, 2004:

crapulence

so much to do, so little time and i'm starting to tire. thank God the weekend's not far off, embassy'll offer me a welcome respite from the mentally and physically exacting maelstorm marauding through my life as of late. seriously, screw school.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 4:54 am

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Wednesday, January 07, 2004:

unflinching, i trod along

the awry outcomes of certain things seem to allude to something. upon reflection i realise they really are caustic indictments of the misappropriated decisions and exiguous, half-baked intimations of a far-too-hasty mind. cliqued but i guess an indubitable truth, that invariably changes for the better start from ground zero, from within. some say it's all a matter of perspective, so is it a farcical fabrication of mine, thinking that things are (somewhat) better this year? then would it mean i've undergone more than a mere scintilla of change over the past year? i can't answer those questions with prerequisite objectively i suppose, so i shan't. hmm.

school's been fine and dandy thus far, bar the occasional bump here and there marring what i might dare dub mild effulgence. school no longer being the hell-on-earth of yesteryear, searing my inner core with flaming monotony and devilishly retarded rules. granted, the rules still remain but i am thoroughly surprised with how things have turned out so far. no you romantics it has diddly squat to do with carpe diem and all that crap; being a j2 hasn't catalyzed me into seizing every itty bitty opportunity that comes within a ten mile radius of me. but if there's one thing i've learnt it's living in the moment, i'll revel in this temporal resplendence while the going's good and it lasts, regardless of the approach of somewhat tenebrous circumstances, riding in from the horizon on the steeds of inevitability.

a monumentally colossal challenge looms on the horizon (now i seem to be blowing it out of proportion). time to do away with the placid insouciance of old and gird myself in preparation for a headstrong charge into the coming storm. i've never been too patient really, why should i wait for it to come to me? hitting it running, it'll be over before the month ends.

in the beginning it was nothing more than a dwarf of feeling, meekishly peering out into the world from the nether recesses of my being, inconsequential and barely palpable. recent events have validated it's existence, i can almost feel it in my fingertips. it's a good feeling, really, so for once i'll wager that one way or another it'll be a good year, albeit stressful and hectic. being stretched, limbered up and challenged is definitely preferable to the stiff, rigor mortis of a subdued existence.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 9:55 am

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Thursday, January 01, 2004:

goodbye 2003

i enjoy the solitude the late nights at home bring. mum and dad'll be asleep so there's noone to nag or ask me to do housework. my younger brothers deep in slumber won't be rampaging around the house, creating pandemonium on a stellar scale. they are adorable, but i still savour the silence and the solace it brings. sometimes my older brother's around and we launch explorative conversations to discern the more juicy bits in each others lives. there's the occasional late-phone call too. but mostly it's just me with a single light on, the music playing noises in the background and my thoughts running frantically or slovenly crawling through the landscape of my mind, attempting to make sense of life and the milieu i occupy.

2003 was really eventful, full of poignant memories that have rooted themselves firmly in the hallowed and resplendent gardens of sweet memory. i owe much to new found friends like my ogmates from ge'fjeonn who exonerated me from self-captivity. will always remember that night at kfc when i consumed that insurmountable mountain of fried chicken (and whipped potato and potato wedges and coleslaw), the marvelous days of zaqaedor that leave me misty-eyed upon reminiscence, the mornings at the concourse (provided i made it there early enough...) and those innumerable outings ^_^ oh and hongyi your absence from rj is STILL greatly regretted my bro...

to old mates like howard, timtay, shengxiang, rumin (i know i'm missing out on quite a few, but the rest will know who you are :) i am immensely thankful for the quaint familiarity and reassurance you all have provided all these years. dang tim why did you have to get kicked out of rj hahaha ^_^ you've a ton on your hands now, i know you'll ride out the storm but remember your first mate is always here yea? that goes for the rest of you too :) even red and weiming, it's been good unearthing hidden gems like you two ;)

bballers, you have been great company throughout the year! thank the powers that be for weaving the web of fate beautifully, subtly bringing the guys and girls teams a tad closer this year. open house catalysed it all ^_^ i indulged myself immensely taking potshots of y'all with my phone, the outings, the gathering at my place and playing ball of course! anyway our final competition season looms on the horizon, we'll make it a great one!

thanks justin, celebrating countdown at your house was stupendously terrific! you and your kakis are rip-roaringly fun and liberated! a great way to end 2003 indeed :)

even if the final stretch of 2003 was vexatious cause of my chronic lack of cash and run-ins with mom and dad and all the little thorns on the side, even if i didn't accomplish all i set out to do, it still rocked! looking forward to 2004... bring it on...

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 7:34 am

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